Originally Published: The Oakland Press
Client: Living and Learning Enrichment Center

By Pamela Travis

Guest columnist

December’s holiday season brings family gatherings, festive feasts, and joyful traditions, but it also brings crowded malls, noisy parties, and disrupted routines.

While many families feel the stress of the season, those navigating the holidays with neurodiverse loved ones face unique challenges that can turn happy moments into overwhelming ones.

According to the CDC, approximately 1 in 36 children in the U.S. is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD. For these families, the hustle and bustle of the holidays – complete with loud music, flashing lights, and packed schedules – can lead to sensory overload, anxiety, and meltdowns.

However, this doesn’t mean families must choose between festive cheer and a silent night. By planning ahead and embracing flexibility, it’s possible to create holiday environments where everyone feels comfortable, included, and able to enjoy the season.

Plan ahead
Autistic individuals often thrive on familiarity. With the holiday season disrupting routines and introducing new elements, behavior challenges can be unavoidable.

Many families have experienced moments of joy derailed by unforeseen triggers. But parents of autistic children are incredibly resilient and resourceful, finding ways to create holiday experiences that everyone can appreciate.
It takes compromise, candid conversations, and preparation, but holiday cheer and neurodivergence can easily coexist.

Here’s how:

• Designate a calm, sensory-friendly area at gatherings where they can retreat if they feel overwhelmed. A bedroom or a quiet corner with dim lighting can work well.

• Bring comfort items such as fidgets, headphones, favorite toys, music, snacks or anything else that helps them self-regulate and feel secure.

• Roleplay potential situations like greeting relatives or participating in group activities to help them feel more prepared.

• Share the day’s schedule in advance, including where you’re going, who will be there, and what activities are planned. Allow plenty of time for processing.

• Involve them in decisions such as choosing an outfit, planning the menu, or deciding on holiday activities. This sense of control can help reduce anxiety.

• Take two cars during visits. If they need to leave early, one caregiver can take them home while others stay.

• Educate family and friends by sharing tips on how to interact and provide support during holiday gatherings.

The right approach
For many, interacting with neurodivergent individuals may feel unfamiliar, leading to awkward or unintentional missteps.

During the holidays, well-meaning relatives may overcompensate with excessive enthusiasm or intrusive efforts to include an autistic loved one, which can cause withdrawal. Alternatively, speaking in a condescending or overly tone can make interactions uncomfortable.

The best approach is to allow neurodivergent individuals to ease into social situations at their own pace. They may prefer to observe and acclimate before engaging with others. Avoid placing pressure on them to interact, and instead create a welcoming atmosphere that allows them to feel comfortable.

The holidays can bring stress and anxiety for all families, but for those with neurodiverse loved ones, the hurdles can be even greater. With thoughtful planning, open communication, and a positive outlook, it’s possible to create an inclusive, meaningful and wonderful holiday season for everyone.

Pamela Travis is executive director of Living and Learning Enrichment Center, a Northville-based nonprofit that provides programs and services that address issues that impact the neurodiverse community.